So, here’s the thing: we’re running out of money. We’ve been back in Kansas City for about two months and with the job market the way it is, I’ve started to leave my MA off my resume. It’s a change that I hope will yield some kind of response from employers. Until now, every application I’ve submitted has met with a dead end. The railroad job is nonexistent and the news continually looks bleak. I want to give myself to the Lord and let Him do what He will with me, but I still get pulled into what my mind and body tell me. I am in survival mode now. I will do anything to make a living, besides steal and kill of course. I don’t want to stick with a job that is not paying what I need to be making. At this point, I don’t want to make more than we need to get by, even! All I need to do is trust the Lord and all this will eventually work out. No matter how many times I hear that, I can’t help wondering what good this will do for us. I hate this feeling I have in the pit of my stomach every time we do bills and we get closer to the edge… GOD, please stop the enemy from filling my head with this garbage! It’s insane to think that you haven’t planned everything that’s going on here for some greater purpose. I can see that society is starting to think before it spends, but I just want a job! God, help me to find that job that will be enough for my family. Thank you for being that benevolent, wonderful Father to us. God, I love you.
